Once upon a time there was a meek blonde hair girl who tiptoed around everyone, keeping her feelings inside like a locked Pandora box, crying herself to sleep at the best of days, feeling unworthy of anyone's attention let alone love. being used by toxic masculinity. Climbing a mountain and rediscovering herself, facing her demons and allowing light within her soul I found my voice...i found my substance of myself. I became me. I now fantasize about who I will become someday: the fully raw feminine expressed women who leads others toward themselves. If I’m honest, I want to skip this part where I’m at now. I want to get there already. as an Aries we hate waiting, we want action now. The irony of that is: the future version of me I’m trying to get to knows this is futile. There’s never anywhere to go but fully into the here and now and the future I’m trying to arrive to is just as imperfectly perfect as this one, simply with more self acceptance and unapologetic expression. I fantasize that once I’m there... what feels wrong about me in the here and now won’t be wrong then. I’ll have more money and be done with the hard parts and have figured it all out. But I’m not willing to reject myself as I am now in order to get where I want to go anymore. I won't accept people to half heartedly love me. I want to bring all of me along. and I want them to do so too. I want to wrap myself up, gather all of my tender pieces, the rejected pieces, the messy pieces, and the scared pieces and hold them tight to me, take their hand, and walk forward as ONE. Embracing. It’s the only way that makes sense anymore. This is truly what integration looks like. I now live from a space of love and mindfulness. I dance, full bodied, with my hips whenever I feel the need to. I talk openly about love and sex without feeling shame; trying to share the practice of tantra with as many people as I can so they may feel this euphoric state. I hug with my whole damn body. I look people in the eye and show them that they are worthy. I appreciate the dark as much as I do the light, and love them all the more for that darkness. I am no longer fearful of pain or grasping for happiness. I don't resist each emotion for fear of it overpowering me. Because I know that there is gold within the pain, and this too shall pass. This is who I am now. an open vessel for love, to give love and embracing myself fully in my duality. I no longer allow toxicity.
I am ME💚