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Five tips for Men


There are few things that can dampen the sexual flame between two lovers like a man not being able to maintain his erection. For men, this can cause crippling confidence issues and problems around masculinity. For women, having a boyfriend with performance anxiety can cause frustration. Feelings of unworthiness can surface as they blame themselves and question their level of attractiveness.

We live in a world that positions men as the givers. They are the providers, the doers, the bread-winners, and protectors. Therefore no longer being able to ‘keep it up’ or in some cases, not being able to get it up at all, can put a large dent in a man’s confidence. It can lead to problems in other areas of life such as depression and more general anxiety seeping in.

A man who develops ED feels like he has lost part of his masculinity.

A woman whose long-term boyfriend or husband develops ED is likely to blame herself. She will wonder why he no longer finds her as sexy as he used to. She will question whether or not she is attractive.

Fortunately, there are many things both men and women can do in order to ease performance anxiety and overcome erectile dysfunction...

1. Identify if the problem is physical or mental

Check in to see whether or not the loss or absence of an erection is a physical or mental problem.

A healthy man experiences at least 2 and sometimes 5 erections per night. If this is not the case for you, the problem is physical.

2. Diet and lifestyle

If it’s physical, ask yourself the question – ‘am I truly healthy’? Poor diet, diabetes, and being overweight are the main physical causes of ED. Improve your diet. Cut out meats, fast foods, smoking, and alcohol.

3. Sex/heart connection

If you have ruled out a physical cause, you might want to look into the communication between your sexual organs and your heart/emotions. The body is infinitely wise. It often gives us signals in the form of physical disturbances when something is not right with our emotions or our spirit.

These physical disturbances can become obvious to us before we notice any emotional shift.

Ask yourself the following questions:

- Do I really want to make love right now?

- Is this woman someone who I actually want to make love with?

- Am I stressed or worried?

If the answer to either of the first questions is no, the answer is obvious.

If the answer to the third question is yes – you have your solution. You need to work on your stress levels.

4. Tantric approaches to love making

If you are stressed or worried about your performance in the bedroom, you can take a tantric approach to love making. This involves the practice of non-goal oriented sex. Here, there is no agenda to have or give an orgasm. Sex can even take place without penetration within this practice.

Masculine energy is by nature goal oriented. It has an inclination to want to impress and perform. By dropping the goals and the need to perform, we relieve ourselves of the pressure and stress.

Non-goal oriented sex is a tantric approach to love making.

Try dropping out of your head and into the present moment with your partner.

Take your time with foreplay and don’t rush. There is no destination – only the present moment which is to be enjoyed

This alone can have a huge effect on taking us out of the sympathetic nervous system and into the parasympathetic, which actually promotes blood flow due to its vasodilatory effect upon blood vessels, therefore assisting with obtaining and maintaining an erection rather than working against it.

5. Meditation and breathwork

There is plenty of evidence that regular meditation and breathwork positively impact stress. By sitting in silence for 10-15 minutes a day we can reduce anxiety. We can rewire our brains and create new neural pathways. Maintaining a single point of focus lowers our stress response. This makes us less susceptible to feelings of anxiousness in any scenario.

When to get professional help

If you have tried the methods above and you are still suffering from performance anxiety, you might benefit from the help of a professional tantra teacher or a sex coach. Aren't you lucky I am one and can help.

Premature ejaculation can be a cause of major stress in the bedroom. Fear of premature ejaculation causes performance anxiety. This increases the likelihood of erectile dysfunction. In these cases, I strongly recommend you work with a professional to overcome premature ejaculation and regain your sexual confidence.

If you want to learn any of these techniques I run a session where you're harnassing your own orgasm. I also teach Meditation and breathwork sessions, also can include holistic counselling chat to iron out anything that maybe weighing on your mind.

Now let's start to take back your orgasm control 💚

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